


Just a Sorceress

by EmeraldLatias



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Coping, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Sorceress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-15
Updated: 2011-12-15
Packaged: 2017-10-27 09:04:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/294043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldLatias/pseuds/EmeraldLatias
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The word 'sorceress' has always evoked many images in the minds of people. I used to wish that I had the strength to bear the weight of knowing that part of me is different but now I know better. Now I have found peace. One-shot, post-game.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just a Sorceress

**Author's Note:**

> Original publish date on fanfiction.net - September 13th, 2010

As far as I'm concerned, I am a normal 21 year old.

I worry about my finances, future, relationships and, if I'm feeling a bit self-depreciating, appearance just like anyone else my age would.

But those similarities are not what the vast majority of people think of whenever they see my name in print or face to face, up close and personal.

No. To them, I am just a sorceress. Nothing else.

I am not a normal 21 year old woman with dark brown hair to them. They don't care that I was born the same way everyone else was, that I am the only daughter to a once-famous lounge singer and a Galbadian general or that I gave my dog a boy's name because I thought she was a male puppy when I got her (and was too stubborn to change it to Angela, Angel or Angelina when I found out).

No, the link with the word sorceress is all that matters in their eyes.

To be honest, I was scared when I first realized I'd become one for more than just the fear of possession alone. I was afraid that I'd turn evil somehow, forget to be human in search of power and hurt countless citizens and the people I love— back then, I was no better than my accusers. When Squall reassured me that I could be a good sorceress like Edea was, I wanted to believe that I could but I was still fearful. There was still so much I didn't know back then and the learning curve seemed like it was as steep and unforgiving as a grand canyon's chasm.

I wanted to know why all these sorceresses that have burned terror in our hearts had committed their evils against humanity, where they came from and what were their stories. Were they especially susceptible to corruption because they were sorceresses or were these the pitfalls of just being human underneath all the powers?

That was the question I struggled with for the longest time and Ultimecia was the sorceress I wondered about the most. What went so wrong in her life that it made her desire total control of time and space, to a place where she'd be the only one able to live?

Of course, we never did get the answer to that and probably never will since everyone who knew anything about her kept on skirting the, I don't know,  **huge** issue of her motivation in an almost criminal way.

Still, even after we defeated her, Adel prior to that too, I found that I still struggled for the longest time despite the fear of being a possessed puppet for wrong-doing was no longer there. Even in my brightest moments where my resolve was strong, picking up where I left off with my and the Owls' fight for Timber's freedom was hard; the knowledge that I was a sorceress weighted down on me like a curse.

The people who  _knew_  from some way or another treated me slightly different, even if they didn't mean to. I felt like a secondhand citizen, a heathen, like I was less. I was never one to shy away from saying what was on my mind, but didn't tell anyone about my feelings this time because, well...I don't think anyone other than Edea could have truly understood what I was going through and she was busy with things. Or so I led myself to think, I'm not sure.

But it didn't matter in the grand scheme of things; Squall caught on pretty fast to the weight on my shoulders when he made his regular visits to Timber. He told me that he kept on sensing thoughts and feelings of doubt and self-depreciation that he just  _knew_ didn't belong to him for a change, feeling like foreign sensations trying to prod into his mind but not doing it quite so subtly. When he said this much, I finally opened up about everything I'd been trying to hide. Soon after, he made a suggestion that was so obvious that I seriously wondered why it hadn't even crossed my mind before to do it on my own — learn more about sorceress history and powers.

At this point, I'd just turned 18 and it was a good three-quarters of a year post-Time Compression. Squall and I had been dancing around this really awkward stage for the longest time. To make a long story short, people fall in love all the time and a handful fall far harder than they ever imagined possible. Squall... he belonged to the latter as much as one could think otherwise.

Now what people and romance novels don't like telling you about is that while you may fall, or fall hard, some get up from the fall just as fast. Squall was, again, part of the latter. But just like he could sense my general unease about being a sorceress, I could sense his trepidation for the longest time. Because I understood where it probably came from, I switched gears for a change and gave him some space.

We met under extraordinary circumstances and fell for each other in extreme conditions; to someone like him who clearly thinks too much on top of his understandable attachment issues, it probably hit him like a ton of bricks once the world stopped spinning so fast. As clichéd as it sounded, I thought that if he came back after I metaphorically let him go, it would be meant to be.

I didn't know it at the time, but just having him on my couch a few days after he'd made the suggestion, telling me about everything else there was to know about sorceresses...well, it changed things. A lot of things. Far more than I'd ever imagined.

-—-

"Girls are never born sorceresses. They can only be born as potential candidates for existing sorceresses to pass on their powers to." he said firmly, wasting no time whatsoever right after he sat down on my right. "If they are born with a body able to host the powers, that's all they need to be a candidate."

"So this ability to host powers...is it something that can be passed down from generation to generation or is it a random thing?" I asked. Squall shrugged his shoulders.

"Researchers haven't figured it out yet. Some think it's a specific trait while others believe it depends on a collection of characteristics that any baby girl could inherit. There's even disagreement among those who thought it was a specific trait about whether or not it would have had to originate from the original sorceresses or if it was more widespread at the beginning."

I was about to nod in agreement when a thought occurred to me. ".. _.Wait._  How can some of the researchers who thought it was a specific trait consider the possibility that it had to be passed down from the sorceresses themselves? I thought sorceresses couldn't have children."

"It's one of the newer issues up for contention." Squall began. "Roughly half do think they are unable to conceive because of the powers and others think that it only owes to circumstance and choice. Some who think there is a specific trait believe that it is often linked with another associated with fertility issues. I could go on and on about who thinks what but the simple truth is that it's just one of the many things they can't properly research."

I couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle. "I guess so. I mean, it would pretty hard to get a sorceress in for observation in the first place, never mind asking,  _'Hey, can we get you in here so we can see if you can have babies?'_ "

"That...would be difficult." he agreed in a slightly uncomfortable tone, making me picture him picturing the would-be scenario. I have no idea how I withheld my snickers but luckily for me, he continued on a slight tangent. "The only instance where they got to research anything in depth was for developing para-magic for the rest of us who couldn't wield it naturally."

"Oh, was the sorceress forced into helping or did she actually co-operate for that?"

Squall shrugged. "I wouldn't know. Details like that are usually scarce or covered up. I imagine that if it wasn't a case of coercion, she might have done it to try and extend an olive branch to the sorceress-fearing public at the time. Of course, Adel's rule in Esthar would have negated a lot of the good it could have done."

After a silent moment between us passed, Squall purposely locked eyes with me. Funnily enough, I hadn't noticed that he'd never really kept steady eye contact before; something told me he was going to make some kind of point.

"Whatever her reasoning to help Odine study her for the development of para-magic," he started, "it was probably the best thing she could have done to try help the plight of the pacifist sorceresses."

I tilted my head. "In what way? I'm not seeing too many advantages here."

"It may not seem like it but, levelling the playing field a little does have some merit." he replied. "Being able to wield magic naturally is the only true difference sorceresses have to everyone else. It used to strike fear into people's hearts long ago as their powers were something that could do great harm and something they couldn't fully understand. While some used it responsibly and only in self-defense or in the defense of those they loved, others, like Adel and Ultimecia, used it for personal gain and that is what the people feared and remembered the most. Alongside the sorceress who helped develop para-magic, there was another who defended the people of a small country when its infrastructure collapsed but—"

"—most would think of Adel instead when they think of sorceresses." Squall gave me a curt nod.

"Exactly. Developing para-magic gave regular people a taste of what it was like to have sorceress powers, if only a fraction. Obviously, some of the historical horrors could have been avoided had it not been introduced but it's also done a lot of good, especially in the treatment of wounds. As you can probably imagine, there has been abuse and noble uses of this para-magic between people, paralleling the use of magic between sorceresses."

"So...she, I mean, your point was that she might have wanted to show that anyone, sorceress and non-sorceress, could be corrupted by power of magic if given the chance?"

"Yes."

"That's...a little risky, don't you think?"

"Never said that it wasn't." he said pointedly. "Like I said before, if that was her goal then Adel undermined it by doing what she did, same with Ultimecia possessing Edea."

I couldn't bite back the frown as I added, " _...And possessing me._ "

Without hesitation, Squall replied, "Unfortunately, yes. If anything...at least you'll understand me a little better now when I say that becoming a sorceress doesn't guarantee what kinds of actions you will take. Only your virtues and flaws can determine what you do in the circumstances which present themselves. Even if you're unsure of yourself, you can transfer your powers willingly at any time, not just on the brink of death."

Then it hit me. The words I wanted to hear. It didn't matter if Squall had said most of it before when he'd given me his  _'you can be a good sorceress like Edea'_  speech months ago, I was just so glad to know that—

"...I have a choice?" I blurted out.

"As long as you find a candidate able to receive the powers and have the will to give them away, you do although...it does cause great pain to anyone who resists receiving them. It's why you fell into that coma; Edea had accidentally given hers to you when she was trying to fight off Ultimecia's possession of her body."

"...I see." This was still a lot for me to process. Having options...it made this burden a little lighter knowing that it didn't have to be permanent. Still...I had options. "What about sorceress knights?" I asked.

"Sorceress knights?" he reiterated, "...What did you want to know about them?"

"Just...anything." I told him. It was the truth and yet not the truth at the same time.

Collecting his thoughts for a moment, or at least I assumed that's what Squall was doing when he rubbed his eyes a good second or two, he said, "Well...for starters, they're always male." After raising an eyebrow and giving him my best ' _...really?_ ' look, he gave me a big ol' smirk...the bastard. "Well, you did say  _anything_."

"Fair... _enough_. So what would happen if the sorceress happened to be a lesbian? Surely there are some, right?" I asked in my most put-on, sickly-naive and candid voice and oh...my god. Squall just turned 15 shades of red. Definitely got him good there. Hehe.

"I don't know." he shrugged, recovering nicely. "There  _was_  Adel."

I blinked. Hard. "I...can't believe you went there."

"...You didn't let me finish." Oh Squall, you're such a big liar. You totally went there and you enjoyed it. "What I was going to say is that it isn't a requirement for sorceresses to have a knight — Adel's case proves that much. Even then, all a sorceress needs is some kind of bond with the knight to make it work, doesn't have to romantic. I mean, Seifer was hopelessly infatuated with a concept and Ultimecia exploited that for her gain if that tells you anything."

I could have made another joke but it just didn't seem appropriate now. There was something I wanted to know and I didn't want to beat around the bush anymore. "So...what would happen if a sorceress decided not to be one anymore? Would the knight feel some pain in the break in the connection or just...anything?"

"That...I don't know. I'd have to ask Cid but even then, it's no guarantee that he'd be able to say anything given his and Edea's circumstances. ...I assume that you're considering giving them up?"

"I don't know." I admitted. "Part of me wants to because of all the things I've had to deal with lately and part of me doesn't see the point since people already know what I am and I want to be able to hold my own or protect you guys since I don't have to worry about Adel or Ultimecia possessing me anymore. I just wanted to know if it would affect you just in case it becomes inevitable. Things...have gotten a little crazy over the past while between us but...you're still very important to me."

Although the red tinge on his face from my silly attempt at catching him off-guard had pretty much faded, a little of that colour had come back. "...You are too. It's why...I couldn't take seeing you resign to the thought that being a sorceress had to define you. It wasn't like you at all."

"You're right...it wasn't. It's just so hard watching people only see what they want to see, making up their minds about me before even getting to  _know_  me. And after all you said, it makes me even angrier but...on the other hand, the wounds from the Galbadian war are still fresh and probably will be for some time. There's nothing I can do about that."

"No one can. Fear born out of ignorance and hurt is a stubborn bastard to overcome and change will come slowly, even if it has to be one mind at a time. Even still, there are always other places to go if nobody wants to change. I realize this will sound hypocritical coming from me but, I'd rather not see you spend your entire life miserable. Sorceresses don't live any longer than anyone else and they can't cheat death by not passing on their powers; their bodies are biologically compelled to pass them on, regardless of will."

I couldn't help but look at this boy, no, this  _man_ , in the eye and not resist breaking into a smile and raising my hand to the side of his face, cupping it gently before I leaned forward to give him a small kiss on the lips. As my lips parted with our heads not even two inches away and our eyes locked into each other's firmly, I whispered, " _Thank you._ "

-—-

Three years later and I still look back on that day with fond memories.

The road to where I am now hasn't been an easy one but I never expected it to be one. Nor do I expect the rest of the journey to be any different. We've had ups and downs, scares and everything in between. Still, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Just a sorceress?

No.

 _...Just Rinoa Heartilly._


End file.
